My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
