Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
