I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
