It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
