Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
