the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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