Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
