Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
