I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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