Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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