Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
