you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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