A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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