Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
