you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
