You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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