now i know why i became what i already was.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
