all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
