I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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