Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
