smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Where is the hickey?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
