If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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