At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
