How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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