the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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