Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
