SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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