Don't you send me to vm
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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