I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
