this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
