My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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