Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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