lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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