you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
