im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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