am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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