So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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