theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
