Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So much Jack, so little girl.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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