I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
