do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
