I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
