well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
