Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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