Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
