see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
