You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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