The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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