True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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