Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
a search helicopter?!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
why is half of my head shaved?
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