your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
