my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
