then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
