I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
