Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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