We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
