I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
