Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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