my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
