I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
