Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
