Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
