Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize