Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
