Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
