You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
