Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize