so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
