I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
