I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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