matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
