Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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