I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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