well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
