there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
