i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Even my vagina gasped.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
