hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
