I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
