I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
