May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
