i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
