oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
