We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
