Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
