you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
