This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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