I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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