I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
