just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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