TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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