so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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