My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize